Thursday, 3 November 2016

narrative - edit

Sentence - how would you react if you see a candy bar with powers

Paragraph 1
Their was a scientist named dr.James brown.he was a skilled scientist he never made mistakes ,but that one faithful day that happened . D.r James brown was doing a experience in 1998.he put sugar,spice and everything nice in a pot.then he spilled in chemical candy in the pot on accident.BOOM BANG! Went the pot.the pot explode and their was a candy bar.a really huge was the size of a looked liked a muscly man  . d.r James brown wanted to eat it ,but he just left it in a big bird’s nest he created in 1980 for a bird’s nest competition .

Paragraph 2
When d.r James brown was in his room writing in his journal about his failed experiment
24/7/1998  Experiment number 298 went wrong instead of making a lemonade ice cream  i made a candy bar.I don’t know what would happen if i ate it so i left it in my big bird’s nest i created in 1980. It looked strange. it was a size of muscly man .. It was a rainbow color,it’s shape was like all the candy bars in the world combined into one candy bar. What is the mayor going to say about this .
When d.r James brown was asleep. The huge candy bar was in the huge bird nest.he moved like a real human.The candy bar was strong.The candy bar fell over and SMASHED!.  D.r James brown’s unbreakable table.D.r James brown woke up ,and called the police.when the  police arrived they got their guns up because they  heard a whoosh and something  smashed to the ground.then they  splitted up. Two groups saw nothing but one group was calling all of the police where the are.they saw a big candy bar that looked like a man .it was walking.  Once  every police arrived they tried to capture it. But  what they used could not stop the huge candy bar .’ It’s a villain “. the police said. “We  must get super man “. the police said. So they did,in a flash super man arrived.super man sawed the candy bar and it was a battle between super man and the candy bar with super powers.

Paragraph 3

There  was the battle superman vs super candy bar . “ WAIT, that's my experiment”.Said d.r James brown rushing out of his bedroom.. “ your  experiment “.said superman and the police. “yes,I tried to make lemonade ice cream on the 24th of July,I was so confused when I  failed.I was like .what is the mayor going to say about this. Then i put it in the bird's nest  I created during the early 80’s.please don’t hurt him.he means a lot to me.” replied D.r James brown. So when D.r James brown showed the candy bar to the city.the mayor loved it. “This big candy  bar with super powers is going to be in  the justice league.It is going to be called super bar.” said the mayor, and that was the end

LI:to edit narrative work using the TEE structure

This week we had to edit are narrative that we wrote 2 weeks ago.I edit mines and made my story about a candy bar with super powers.We had to change the text to red because it is are edit color we had to use


No comments:

Post a Comment